Some of us are born into a role before we even know our own names. We become the steady hands, the watchful eyes, the first to lead and the last to rest. And while that role can be a crown, it can also be a cross. This is what it feels like to carry both.
The Eldest Daughter
I have always wanted to be free
A life where I get to choose who I want to be
No what ifs, ands, or buts
Just me, myself, and a lot of luck
But sadly, reality is not so
I am burdened by responsibilities
My motivation is so low
It’s not simply a burden forced upon me
But instead, a cross that I know I have to carry
So my younger siblings can be free
There are many times I have wondered
What it would be like to live a life untethered
By the responsibilities of being the eldest
And the one who should be a role model
It’s not like I hate the responsibility
No, it is a gift that comes with purpose
One adorned with the crown of being first
In authority, in gifts, and sometimes in love
But how much of myself must I give
Before I can get some time to breathe?
Do I have to sacrifice my teens, youth, and adulthood?
Only to look up and wonder where the time has gone?
Am I to go from graduation to work to marriage?
Without first finding out the things I would like to manage?
When can I put my cross down
Feel the breeze seep through my hair, clothes, and soul
When do I get to pursue the dainty ideas I have nursed since I was young?
And when can I finally be free to step into the sun?
I love my responsibility, yes, I really do
But sometimes it can get really heavy, too
I could share my woes, but I would feel like a bother
I guess this is just one of the responsibilities of being the eldest daughter
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